My divorce was complicated and people had questions.
I’ve been asked difficult questions, very private questions, been blindsided, and even accused and verbally demanded answers.
Here’s the thing. This was my divorce and I had no obligation to answer any of them.
This is why boundaries are so important. To protect our own hearts and well being. My head knew what boundaries were and the logic behind them, but my heart wanted to be patient, kind, honest and a good friend.
After a few missteps, I’ve learned a new way to handle these situations. Rather than answering right away and filling the air between us with an immediate reaction, I now pause. I take a deep breathe and get still.
Then I ask myself:
Do I need to answer this.
How will this make me feel.
If the answers don’t make me feel good, then I know what to do.
I gently tell that person something like-
“I appreciate your concern for me, but as you can imagine, I’m working through a lot of things and am not really open to sharing details right now. “
Once we say something and put information out in the universe, we can’t take it back. There are several times I shared details that I wish I hadn’t. But by the time I realized what I had shared, it was already out there.
This is my divorce, my life, my private story. Anyone I share the details with will need to earn that trust with me and only then will I decide when I’m ready to go there, if ever.
But it’s on ME to create and stand firm with that boundary. People are people. They are curious and want to know. Sometimes out of genuine love and concern, other times for not so good reasons. Why they are asking doesn’t even matter.
This is YOUR divorce, your life, your story, your healing. Honor it and protect it for the private, personal and fragile process that it is.
Breathe deep before you answer.
Give yourself the space and time to answer important questions with intention and consideration.
Know inside how this will make you feel.
The answer should only be GOOD.