Having daughters gives us the special privilege to pass along love and wisdom to our girls. Here are some of the life lessons I want my girls to know.
My 3 kids are my heart and soul and they have given me support and purpose during some very challenging times. I am forever inspired to be my best and show them how to navigate the good with grace and the obstacles with determination and grit.
Sophie and Bryn, you will pave your own way and learn many of your own lessons. You both have the integrity, kindness, loyalty, curiousity, motivation and determination to live a life of your dreams and overcome any obstacle that comes you way. Life it beautiful, but it will also have difficult moments. That is the human experience. Below are some lessons I hope to pass along to you about life and relationships.
You girls are so special, each in your own unique ways and I can't wait to see how your beautiful lives will unfold in the coming years.
1. Be yourself.
Don’t change yourself for anyone and always know who you are. It is hard in a marriage to maintain your own identity, but it is crucial for a healthy relationship and for your own sense of self. YOU are the only person who you will spend your entire life with no matter what. Get to know who that person is – define your own beliefs, goals, values, strengths and priorities. I think so many of us women don’t do that until later in life. Make it a priority. You are everything to you – literally.
2. Always have a skill/job that you can stay active in.
I think this is important for so many reasons. You just simply don’t know what turns life can take. I also think it’s important to have something you do that defines you outside of your partner, marriage or family. Earning money gave me confidence, self worth and made me feel like I had more say and control in my finances. I know some couples are able to maintain balance without this, but for me it made a huge difference. It's also so important to be aware and thoughtful about your career decisions. I had always worked, but wasn’t thinking about the long game and where I was going. If I had a real plan with tangible goals, things might have gone differently. Dream, plan, strive and have a path of where you want to go and what you want to be. Be clear and go after it.
3. Know everything about your own finances.
If you don’t understand it – find out. Watch youtube videos to understand various finances and investments and insist on being involved. I love Jen Sincero's audio book You Are a BadAss Making Money and Rha Godess' audio book: The Calling. I know that this can be hard to do in practice. Life happens, we are busy, it can be easy to let someone else worry about your money and finances. So many women are surprised by huge financial problems or hidden finances when they go through divorce – we need to do our own part to know more and be a part of the solution before there's a problem. I also want you to to be involved with what you are spending money on. You are a partner and need and deserve to be involved in the big decisions from house purchases, to insurance to vacations. Even if that seems easier to let someone else handle it or it feels hard, do it anyway. Review your insurance documents, ask to see the investment portfolio, look at the numbers. Know how much you pay for your electrical bill. It may be scary or uncomfortable, but once you are informed and understand you will feel so empowered and no one can take that knowledge and understanding away from you.
4. Always know the value of your friends and family.
I could NOT have made it through my divorce without the support of my friends and family. Don’t take the people in your life for granted and make the investment and spend the time with people who understand you, support you, believe in you and make you better and be that kind of friend for them. No matter what the demands of your kids and husband are, it is crucial that you put effort into this critical component of survival, happiness and peace. My friendships have literally carried me through the toughest days where I didn’t know if I could face another day.
5. You are strong. You are capable You can be independent.
You can survive anything and you can rise from anything. Sometimes in life you really don’t know how strong you are until you are thrust into the depths of a storm. It may come unexpectedly, or it may slowly develop over time, but either way, storms are a part of life, and they are often the things we fear most. Know that you are SO much stronger than you think. For me, some of the most gratifying things that have come to me in my life have come when I have had to fight my way through something absolutely terrible to get through to the other side. This is how we learn, this is how we grow, and this is how we realize just how strong we really are.
Today my girls are ages 17 and 12. They have their entire futures ahead of them. I hope they fall in love and have beautiful, happy marriages. Marriage is an amazing adventure, but it is also hard and they will be thrown all kinds of challenges. I want them to be open, ready, aware and filled with self confidence and self worth if and when they decide to get married.
In the mean time, I want them to grow to be strong, confident independent women with open hearts and strong souls. Love you Sophie and Bryn!