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Why communicating our needs isn't being needy

Updated: Nov 18, 2020

Hello Upsiders!

How many of you are worried of being “too needy?” How many of you have been told that you are “too needy?” Were you expressing genuine needs that you had? Were they needs that would increase connection within the relationship? Were they needs that would further growth between you and your partner? Were they needs that would create safety and a space where you could relax knowing that you are both on the same page? There is such stigma around being “needy” especially for women. We would rather show up as cool and laid back instead of the shame of neediness. Meanwhile we suffer waiting for someone to show up in a way that is in alignment with our hearts.

To have needs is to be human. Our needs and the fulfillment of our needs can be as basic as food, water and shelter. Just as we have physical needs, we have emotional needs as well. I have found that when I asked for what I wanted and the reaction was that I was “too needy” or “too demanding,” it was actually an excellent way to find out who could and couldn’t show up for me. Better now than later.

This is not to say that all needs are necessary. If we are coming from a place of internal lack or insecurity our needs can be skewed and not reflect our true nature. In addition to my insecurities I struggle with trusting others. Can I trust others to be open, honest, and upfront with who they are? When I first started dating, I was insecure and felt that everyone I met was dishonest. I had over the top needs for communication. Through time and building trust in myself and my intuition, I realized that this need wasn’t coming from the highest version of me. I had to surrender and trust life and most importantly myself. While I still have needs around communication and honesty, they are not something that need to be revisited daily.

If you have a need, a desire, a wish, a preference, you should express it. We need to teach each other how we want to be treated. We should never assume that just because we feel a certain way or want a certain thing, that our partner can read our minds. Life isn’t as obvious as we think it is sometimes. By being open with our needs we allow our partner to do the same.

Lead with your hearts Upsiders! And show yourself that you have your back and wont ignore the needs and desires you have for your wonderful life!

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